Supporting children around online sexual harassment
In June 2021, Ofsted published a report into sexual harassment and online abuse in schools. This upsetting insight included cases of pupils and students being pressured into sharing naked images, having these images shared without their permission and having rumours spread about their sexual activity. These ranged not just across secondary schools and colleges, but down to cases as low as Year 6.
In response, Ofsted introduced a new section to its inspection handbook to assess how schools and colleges are dealing with harmful sexual behaviours. But while this is a welcome step towards tackling this issue – parents need support in being able to know how to respond to issues around online sexual abuse and harassment in schools.
Here, Parent Zone founder and CEO Vicki Shotbolt offers advice for parents to feel better prepared to deal with this incredibly difficult topic…
1. Don’t ignore the issue
“The first thing is for all of us to wake up and smell the coffee.
It’s tempting to think, ‘surely not at the lovely secondary school my child is going to’ or ‘absolutely not with the wonderful friendship group they have’. But that desire to hope that this is a problem for other children but not for your own is one of the things that has led to this situation.
We don’t want it to happen. We’d prefer to think it didn’t happen. But young people have told us that it does. Not to some of them – to 90% of them. Or rather they didn’t tell us – until it had become so appalling that they took action themselves.
The reasons they gave for not telling adults included thinking they would be blamed or not believed and losing control of the situation once they had been brave enough to speak out.
So let’s turn that on its head and start from the premise that it is happening and we have to do something about it. Don’t assume your child is OK - assume they might not be and proactively take steps.”
2. Have a difficult conversation
“Talk to your son or daughter about sexual behaviours. It’s not going to be easy – but not doing it is far worse.
Tell them that, as with other things in life, there are some people who behave appropriately and some people who don’t. And as they move into secondary school there is a possibility that they will see and hear people behaving badly about sex.
Explain that this can include people sharing nude images, using sexual terms to bully and upset and, in the worst cases, asking you to do things you’re not comfortable doing.
If they’re a bit older - perhaps they have been at secondary school for a while - take the conversation a little further. Ask them about their experiences of sexual behaviours in school. Have they received naked photos? Do they hear sexual terms used as abuse? What do they think about the culture around girls and boys?
Open up a dialogue that gives them the space to talk and you the opportunity to listen. Don’t be afraid to be specific but equally don’t make them feel as though you’re accusing them of anything.
You’re trying to do two things. The first is to give them information that will help them if they encounter a problem. The second is to let them know that you understand the issues and you are interested and concerned about them.”
3. Establish some boundaries
“The next, potentially even more difficult, challenge is to be clear about your boundaries.
In our rush to be chilled, laid-back modern parents who are ‘cool’ about sex, we have sometimes forgotten to provide our children with basic ground rules.
Tell them that sharing naked images is a bad idea and that it’s completely unacceptable to share one with anyone who hasn’t asked to receive it.
Cyber-flashing is exactly the same as the grubby flasher in the park - it’s not funny and it’s definitely not the way to attract the opposite sex.
Of course, your boundaries won’t always stick - but without them young people have nothing to push against and no sense of a safe space. You literally set their compass and you want to make sure that it's pointing in the right direction.”
4. Make an action plan
“Finally, help your child to prepare a response.
This might sound odd but giving them a strategy they can use should they need to – and helping them to practice it – is super helpful.
It’s easy to be caught off-guard or so shocked if something bad happens that you don’t know how to react or how to stop it.
If you’ve practised a response, you’re much more likely to use it when you need to.”
You can find more help in our advice and support page.